How to recognize unwanted attention, set healthy boundaries and foster respect in Catholic communities

Ordinary kindness vs. unwanted attention

Monday, October 26, 2026

*Anthony Pittelli - Archdiocese of Miami/Safe Environment

Fall is here, though in our area, falling leaves come in the form of windblown palm fronds instead of the postcard-like “autumn leaves” scenes from a charming New England town. The muggy and stormy weather notwithstanding, fall remains a time of year chock full of social gatherings, festivals, homecoming celebrations, and, of course, the annual costume-wearing night when parents like me closely inspect their children’s trick-or-treating haul for quality control (wink wink) …

Those same gatherings are full of ordinary kindness: a greeting after Mass, an offer to help at an upcoming function, or a conversation struck up as folks are unwrapping their favorite candies. Most of it is simply good parish and school life. Some of it is not.

Safe Environment formation asks us to notice the difference between friendliness and unwanted attention. We are asked to respond to both with charity and clarity. Below are a few examples of that difference and advice on how to handle each case.

Ordinary friendliness

A greeting, an offer of help, or a brief conversation at a parish or school event is normal and good.
It becomes unwanted when it continues after a clear signal of disinterest, presses for private contact, or treats your time as something owed.

When someone is simply being nice and you are not interested

Thank them and set a short, firm limit: “Thank you, that was kind. I’m not looking to socialize beyond parish/school events.”
You do not owe a long explanation or a softer “maybe later.”
Vague answers often invite another try. A clear, gracious no is more charitable.

When the attention is intrusive or aggressive

State the boundary once, plainly: “Please stop contacting me” or “I am not comfortable with that.”
End the exchange. Do not debate or apologize for the limit.
If it continues, involves a minor or vulnerable adult, or makes you feel unsafe, document it and report it through parish, school, or archdiocesan Safe Environment channels.

Practical habits

Keep early interactions brief and in public parish or school settings.
Do not share personal contact details until you want them used.
If you are unsure, ask a trusted adult or Safe Environment coordinator—without gossip.
If you are the one offering attention, accept a refusal the first time.

Remember: boundaries protect peace and dignity. Clear words and timely reporting, when needed, are part of Catholic respect for another person's freedom. None of this asks us to be cold. It asks us to be truthful, so that our communities remain places of welcome rather than pressure.

May this fall bring you the warmth of real community and the blessings of Catholic life!