Can we talk?
Monday, April 13, 2009
Jan Rayburn
Time after time I see their reactions. It's a week night and they
are missing their child’s soccer game and probably dinner at home
because they are required to be here. The cafeteria is freezing, the
chairs are hard plastic and at the front of the room a volunteer
prepares to face a somewhat agitated crowd to present a program on
child sexual abuse. The emotions are mixed: Participants are either
insulted that they have to be here or angry that this is a problem in
the first place. Child sexual abuse is not the easiest topic to discuss
even with the closest of friends, let alone mostly strangers. No one
wants to talk about this dirty little secret but everyone wants
something done about it. Can you say
Catch-22?
Talking about it is exactly what we have to do. We have to talk about the warning signs of an abused child so that we can help that child as soon as possible. We have to talk to children about what is acceptable behavior from adults, even those in a position of authority and trust, so that they can speak up when they feel uncomfortable. We have to talk about the behavior of predators so that we can recognize the red flags when they are waving before us. We have to talk about grooming techniques because “stranger danger” is a myth. We have to talk about reporting concerns to the appropriate authority because that is how tragedy is averted. But most importantly, we have to talk about it no matter how uncomfortable it makes us feel.
By the end of a training session, their faces long and tired, emotionally spent from the highly charged testimonials in the program, participants leave to go back to the comfort of their homes. I’m sure the first thing they do is check on their kids to see that they are tucked safely in their beds. Maybe they even linger a little longer than usual reflecting on their innocence. Still, I am often left wondering, did they get it? Do they see things differently? Will they talk to their children about it? Will they talk about the summer camps they choose for their children? Will they talk about the situations they have encountered that now raise red flags? Do they talk about a relationship that they always thought was odd but now seems completely inappropriate? Will they no longer shy away from the discussion but talk about their concerns? It seems a week doesn’t go by without another story in the news about this particular abuse. It comes to light that a swim coach or music teacher isn’t the caring mentor or even parent people thought he was. These are sad and painful stories that have to be told. This isn’t a Catholic problem. It is a societal problem that doesn’t discriminate by religion, race, economic status or even gender. The numbers are epidemic: 39 million adults were victims of child sexual abuse, one in four girls and one in six boys. The stories are heartbreaking, but they must be told. April is Child Abuse Prevention Month and the perfect time to continue your education through the Virtus monthly bulletins. It is also the perfect time to start talking. Talk about what you’ve learned with your children, your family, your school, your church… just talk, because by not talking about it, this crime will remain a secret and we will have empowered the predators.Jan Rayburn
Virtus training coordinator
Comments from readers
Thank you very much for your article. It is righ to the point and it clarifies lots of thoughs that goes through my mind. But at the same time, it educate me more, giving me more confidence as a virtus facilitator. I believe that your articcle should be shared with the participants, because the way you describe the scene, feelings and apprehention at the beginning of a session, it's exactly what I percieved it too.
So, I'm not only encouraging people to take the virtus, but also telling them that more facilitators are needed, parishioners that are faithfull to our faith are becoming more aware of this program, and are asking more questions.
So be ready because to some of them I have giving your phone number, and eventualy they will be calling you. Also I always tell them to visit the virtus online web page.
Thank you for everythin you do, put up with all my questions and e-mails, but your positive encouragement, your guidance and this article, is giving me more confidence to continue the work of the Lord. Little by little, more and more people are talking about this program.
God bless you.
Your brother in Christ.
Jose Espinal.
PAC Coordinator
St. Agatha Cathlic Church.
As a Catholic school principal and a parent, I can only thank you for your continued efforts to prevent child abuse. It is a demanding ministry but rewarding nonetheless. To educate and create awareness among all who come in contact with God's Children empowers us to become vigilant. It is my prayer that you never let your guards down and may the Holy Spirit continue to guide your steps.
Peace and Blessings,
Mr. Antonio (Tony) Cejas