Serving the grieving

By Jim Davis - Florida Catholic

DORAL | They may specialize in burial, but they don’t just serve the dead. They're there also for you, the bereaved.

Attendees at the Catholic Cemetery Conference last week discussed plots and niches and payment plans. But they also said their work emphasizes life – and a chance to console people and boost their faith.

“Yes, we bury the dead, but we’re also there for the family,” said Richard P. Peterson, president of the conference, which met Sept. 20-24, 2021. “We help them realize that life on earth is not the end. More is promised.”

The conference brought 102 people from all around the nation. Some were seasoned veterans; some were newbies; some were looking toward retirement.

Mark Scott of St. Louis came to cemetery work from a sign company a year ago. He was at the conference to find an artist for a planned chapel.

“I hope to make it my legacy,” Scott said. “I feel I'm doing something worthwhile. It’s a good way to close out my career.”

At the other end was Rick Meade of the Cincinnati Archdiocese, who has worked in the field for more than 40 years. He spoke warmly of the group’s closeness.

“When I was new, the community took me under its wing,” Meade said.

Also there were staffers from Queen of Angels, the cemetery for the Diocese of Orlando. The 47-acre cemetery just opened in July 2020, and director Tim Tully said he wanted them to learn about ideas and products.

The conference was held mainly at the Trump National Doral Hotel, but one day was reserved for a tour of the nearby Our Lady of Mercy Cemetery. There, director Mary Jo Frick and her staff showed how it’s done in the Archdiocese of Miami.

After Mass with Archbishop Thomas Wenski in the chapel at the three-story Ascension Mausoleum, the conferees rode in tour buses around the 120-acre campus.

The tour included the older Our Lady of Mercy Chapel, which shelters, among others, the tomb of Miami Dolphins coach Don Shula. Attendees also saw the marble tomb of comedian Jackie Gleason, inscribed with his slogan, “And Away We Go!”

Counselors and salespeople pointed out niches and told of lawn crypts. A representative showed a “compassionate care crypt” for poor families, where they can place someone’s ashes while working out a payment plan.

At the hotel, speakers discussed “intent-based marketing,” the effect of COVID-19 on the cemetery industry, and bringing the Gospel to the bereaved. Archbishop Wenski also returned to speak on “Catholic Funerals and Cemeteries as a Witness to Hope.”

Conferees took a special interest in the annual tradeshow, where 56 vendors offered a dizzying variety of wares and services. They included headstones, stained glass, sculptures, mosaics, cemetery designers, landscaping, and digital cemetery maps.

One touching item: a white box instead of an urn, on which loved ones could pen farewell messages. Another new trend is “glass niches.” Resembling a curio cabinet, the niche has a glass face showing not only the urn but something the deceased loved, such as a Bible or a small guitar.

“A cemetery is not just a final place of disposition,” said Meade of the Cincinnati Diocese. “It’s a place to memorialize your loved ones.”

Although they treated their vocation with solemnity, the conferees chatted as friends; one even joked that theirs was a “niche industry.” They also traded ideas and advice.

Meade said he looks to the Diocese of Detroit as a “sister cemetery,” tracking trends and pending legislation. He said Detroit was one of the pioneering dioceses in “natural burial,” which shuns artificial materials.

Damian X. Lenshek of Madison, Wisconsin, helped create CatholicBurialTraditions.org, a website of the United States Conference of Catholic Bishops. The site provides free print, video and audio resources to churches, cemeteries and others.

“A lot of Catholics say they're spiritual but not religious,” Lenshek said. “They don’t understand that to get closer to God, you have to practice your religion.”

Tim Tully of the Orlando Diocese pointed out that a Catholic funeral is similar to other Catholic events. There's even a procession to the gravesite, complete with a cross and a priest or deacon, he said.

“We bring all of our Catholic identity,” Tully said. “Our mission is to bring people closer to Christ, make them think about their faith. We've seen people come back to church after that.”

But the conferees confessed they face competition from secular cemeteries, partly because of the secularization of society in general.

“It used to be, from the church to the church cemetery,” Lenshek said. “Now it’s the hospital, then the funeral home, then the cemetery. If we provide more services to families, we could bring people closer to Church.”

Peterson, the cemetery conference president, noted that funerals nowadays are among the few occasions where families gather in a religious setting.

“Death is the most real experience there is,” said Peterson. “Families and friends face their own hearts: ‘Do I really believe in resurrection?’ A Catholic cemetery provides a place for that.”