By Anne DiBernardo - Florida Catholic
Photographer: ANNE DIBERNARDO | FC
Members of the Divorce Care Support Group at St. Patrick Church, from left: Elaine Parker, Gonzalo Vasquez, Stephanie Wright, Ana Duran, Gianpaolo Masconi, and Ana Perez.
MIAMI | Like many, Ana Duran thought she had a good marriage. She went from living with her parents to marrying at age 21 and never lived alone. But after 29 years of marriage, she was faced with divorce.
"I was a basket case, crying all the time,” Duran said. “I was so devastated when my husband left three years ago. He had always taken care of our children and me.
"I never thought I was going be okay,” she continued. “No one could relate to me. Nobody in my family had ever been divorced. All my friends were married."
On her sister's recommendation, she attended the Divorce Care program at St. Maximilian Kolbe Parish in Pembroke Pines. At first, she cried like a baby, but she then saw that others in the group were as distraught as she was.
"I began to heal slowly, and realized I could help others heal,” Duran said. Now she helps with the Divorce Care support group at her own parish, St. Patrick on Miami Beach. She also facilitates the in-house Wellspring Experience, a three-day weekend retreat for the divorced and separated.
“The good thing is that I am bringing people to heal, while shining the light to God," Duran said.
Photographer: ANNE DIBERNARDO | FC
Ana Duran, St. Patrick Church Divorce Care facilitator, socializes with a participant at the end of a group meeting.
Divorce Care is a Christ-centered, 13-week video-based support group program offered at local churches throughout the archdiocese. The program is open to members of all religions � not only those who are divorced, but those who are separated or even just contemplating it.
Elaine Parker helps run the Divorce Care group at Maximilian Kolbe. After 23 years of marriage, her husband told her he “needed to find himself,” she said. She was separated for seven years and has been divorced for 15.
“My husband was living with his girlfriend for many years, so I moved on, got divorced and was remarried within the next year,” Parker said. “I thought I knew exactly was I was doing, but I never got help for myself."
She had been married outside of the Church for five years when she moved back to Florida in 2005 and heard the announcement about a divorce care ministry. It wasn’t until she went through the program that she realized she had never healed from her divorce.
Divorced people often "don’t take time for ourselves because we are so busy and we think we are fine,” Parker said. “We are broken people, getting into relationships � how could we expect it to work?”
She encourages everyone to try to make their marriage work. If there is a way to reconcile you should, she said; but if not, you should take the time to heal, “so that if we get into a relationship, we are whole.”
Parker is currently taking on responsibilities as the new coordinator of the Wellspring Experience. St. Maximilian Kolbe also hosts a Divorce Care for Children program, which mirrors the topics in the adult program but at a child’s level.
Divorce Care participant Gonzalo Vasquez has been in the process of a divorce for seven months. He was married for 19 years and has three daughters, 18, 16 and 9 years old. He praises the program for giving him the opportunity to express his feelings and process his thoughts. He loves the videos and has even gone to therapy.
“It’s hard, but I feel at peace because it is helping me to deal with the angry feelings,” Vasquez said. “Now I feel encouraged and empowered to grow in my faith. It is a privilege to be here and have the opportunity to listen to other people share their testimonies.”
Currently, there are two versions of the Divorce Care program in the archdiocese. The non-denominational program, known today as Church Initiative, was developed by Steve Grissom, who credits his church for helping him heal after the pain of divorce. He saw that there was a need for a Christ-based healing program.
Jean Duda, who was then director of the archdiocesan Ministry for the Divorced and Separated, brought the program to the Catholic Church. Rose Sweet, a nationally known Catholic speaker and author of “Healing the Divorced Heart” and “Dear God, Send Me a Soul Mate,” had contributed to the Divorce Care program and developed the Catholic’s Divorce Survival Guide.
Currently, St. Maximillian Kolbe uses the non-denominational Divorce Care video program, while St. Patrick’s alternates the videos with the Catholic program every 13 weeks. The Catholic version is similar but adds the aspects of sacraments, annulments and single sexuality. It also uses Blessed John Paull II’s teachings on Theology of the Body.
Photographer: ANNE DIBERNARDO | FC
Ana Duran, St. Patrick Church Divorce Care facilitator, embraces a participant at the end of a group meeting.
The Catholic video series, presented by Sweet, addresses key topics including grief, despair, forgiveness, love and God. The videos also feature experts such as Ray Guarendi, a Catholic psychologist and host of the radio talk show “The Doctor is In.” Author and theologian Christopher West is also in the video series.
The Catholic’s Divorce Survival Guide is handed out as a companion to the videos; it can also be used if a session is missed. At the conclusion of each 13-week series, a speaker clarifies the annulment process within the Church. An attorney also often attends to answer questions and offer advice on the divorce process.
Participants are told that this program is not for meeting people to date. However, after attending and experiencing healing, many are equipped with the tools to go on to successful relationships.
Bruce Strom is a former facilitator of the Divorce Care program. Today he is instrumental in promoting all the Divorce Care ministries in the archdiocese on Meetup.com, a free website that automates the running of clubs, meetings, and support groups. If anyone types “divorce” or “support” on Meetup, the support groups pop up.
“I get so many new people that are not Catholic, but what a great way to bring people to the Lord through Meetup," he said. "It tells people you’re not alone and here is Jesus to help you.”
Strom encourages people to visit www.divorcecare.org for a listing of Catholic Divorce Care groups. The goal of the program is to have a program in each area within the archdiocese.
Come heal at Wellspring
The next Wellspring Experience will be held Oct. 2-4. Wellspring is a three-day in-house retreat for those who want to deal with unresolved loss, primarily focused on those separated and divorced.
Wellspring provides a time-out from routine for a period of reflection in a safe and nurturing environment. The retreat is offered semi-annually, in the fall and the spring, in both English and Spanish.
For information contact Elaine Parker at 954-270-4116.
