By Archbishop Thomas Wenski - The Archdiocese of Miami
Archbishop Thomas Wenski preached this homily Feb. 11 at St. Mary Cathedral, during the annual Mass honoring couples marking their 25th, 50th and higher wedding anniversaries. This year, the Mass also honored couples marking one year of marriage.
Many of you might remember that song from the 1960s:
“What's it all about, Alfie?
Is it just for the moment we live?
What's it all about when you sort it out, Alfie?
Are we meant to take more than we give?
Or, are we meant to be kind? And if only fools are kind, Alfie,
Then I guess it's wise to be cruel.
And if life belongs only to the strong,
Alfie, what will you lend on an old golden rule?"
Today, we honor and celebrate those married couples celebrating silver, golden and other significant anniversaries. And we thank you for your witness – a witness that is so much needed in our world today, a world which, like Alfie, has forgotten what it is all about.
According to statistics reported in our newspapers, less than half of the households in the United States today are made up of married couples. For the first time in history, there are more people not married – we put in this category: those never married, not yet married and not married anymore – there are more in this category than those who are married. This is a serious problem that begets a litany of woes, and I know that it touches you as you look with concern on your children and your grandchildren.
Today, we talk a lot in this country about the lack of vocations to the priesthood and religious life. But this crisis is not just about celibacy – as it is sometimes seen. Young people do find it hard not only to commit to the vocation of being a priest, or a sister; they find it hard also to commit to the vocation of being a husband and wife, a father and a mother. We see this in the number of young people who are reluctant not only to marry in church – but even civilly.
Perhaps, they are afraid – afraid of failure. And certainly today we see so many failed marriages. Perhaps, they are afraid of the finality of it all: to definitively commit oneself to another till “death do you part” can seem so daunting and so limiting. Sometimes marriage is described as “the old ball and chain” – commitment seems to be against one’s personal freedom.
Yet, today, in these couples, we see the beauty of marriage, the depth and beauty of love brought to full maturity, a mature love that knows true freedom because it is committed, a love tried and purified in the crucible of suffering and sacrifice.
Again, from the theme song of that movie, Alfie:
"As sure as I believe there's a heaven above, Alfie,
I know there's something much more,
Something even non-believers can believe in.
I believe in love, Alfie.
Without true love we just exist, Alfie.
Until you find the love you've missed you're nothing, Alfie."
As you look back on your years of marriage, you know that it wasn’t all sweetness and harmony; but I hope that you can say that you were indeed blessed. Certainly there were crises – crises that you had to learn to live through. Just getting used to each other – to your differences, to your otherness – did not just happen without some struggle, without sacrifice, without learning to accept each other with each one’s quirks and idiosyncrasies over and over again. But in overcoming the moments of crisis, new dimensions of love developed and opened the door to new dimensions of life.
Sometimes, we, priests, think that because we are celibate, we make a big sacrifice. But we can learn much from married people, precisely because of your sacrifices. And what sacrifices you make – think of the children, the problems that arise, of the fears, suffering, illnesses, rebellion, the problems of the early years when nights are almost always spent sleeplessly because of the crying of the small children. We all (not just us priests but all of us, especially your children and grandchildren) we all certainly can learn much from you about the meaning of sacrifice and suffering.
We need your witness. We need to learn that it is beautiful to mature through sacrifices – and thus to work for the salvation of others. And that is precisely why marriage is a sacrament – an encounter with Christ that gives grace that leads to salvation not only for oneself but for others. We are all called to holiness – and husband and wife are called to help the other become holy. Marriage is a sacrament for the salvation of others – first of all for the salvation of the other – of the husband and of the wife – but then of the children, the sons and daughters, but also of the entire community.
Marriage is difficult, marriage is hard but, as we sang in the Responsorial Psalm: “Blessed are they who follow the law of the Lord.” “Blessed are you” – for God does not deny you his grace. In the Gospel today, Jesus says, “Let your ‘yes’ mean ‘yes, and your ‘no’ mean ‘no’.” In your years of married life, in the transparency of your love for each other, in your fidelity – in sickness and in health, for richer or for poorer, in good times and in bad, you made good to the Lord all that you vowed.
And that’s what it’s all about, Alfie!
Thank you for your witness.
