'Lord, lead me where you need me'
Monday, August 2, 2010
Angelique Ruhi-Lopez
"You want me to do what, when?"
If this is our incredulous response to God when, as busy parents, He calls us to serve Him and minister in the Church, then we’re missing out on a true gift both to the Church and to ourselves.
According to Christifideles Laici, Pope John Paul II’s 1988 Apostolic Exhortation on the Vocation and Mission of the Lay Faithful in the Church and in the World, everyone has a responsibility to answer the call to mission and to develop the gifts she or he has been given by sharing them in the family, the workplace, the civic community, and the parish or diocese. Any ministries, offices and roles undertaken by lay persons, however, are to be exercised "in conformity to their specific lay vocation." (Christifideles Laici, no. 23)
This reminds me that as much as I may desire to go on mission to a foreign country, I am called to be involved in ministries that are appropriate for my current state of life as a wife and mother to four young children. My husband and I lead both Spiritual Exercises and marriage preparation retreats, for example, that only require us to leave our children with family and be away from them a few hours or at most a few days. We also feel it is important to set an example to our children and involve them in service, such as a yearly Thanksgiving food drive for farm workers. They are learning from a young age that we are called to a preferential option for the poor.
Despite our time constraints as parents, there are many ministries that enable us either to involve our children or be away from them for a limited time. Examples include teaching religious education, RCIA or Natural Family Planning classes; being a lector or extraordinary minister of the Eucharist at Mass (we have to be there anyway, right? Why not serve while we’re at it?); serving in soup kitchens and shelters; supporting local missionary or pro-life efforts; helping in sacramental preparation – the options are endless.
Each person or family should discern where they are called to serve depending upon how their talents, interests and time constraints can meet a specific need. In addition to the immeasurable service we can provide to those in physical, emotional or spiritual need, we also minister to ourselves when we serve, since it is often easier to remain caught up in our own worlds than to reach outside of them to help others.
Everything, though, in moderation. Our service in the Church should never take precedence over our primary service to our domestic Church. And if through prayer and discernment we determine that at a particular time we are not called to minister outside of our homes, God knows that we are ministering to our families first. The work of "evangelization carried out by Christian parents is original and irreplaceable," said John Paul II (Familiaris Consortio 53).
As times change and children grow, though, a parent’s continual prayer with regard to ministry should be: “Lord, lead me where you need me.”
Comments from readers
Thank you for a very thoughtful and needed post. We need to refocus our attention on service instead of productivity. It seems that we have become contaminated by the world's accounting system. There is a frightening tendency among many people, not just Catholics, to measure the value of service in terms of numbers and achievements. We have forgotten that Jesus began his ministry alone. By the time that he ascended to the Father, he had attracted only a handful of people. Many are frightened of service because they believe that they have to accomplish great things in large numbers. Nothing can be further from the truth. The greatest form of service is the smallest thing done with great love.
We need to bring this back into the home and into our parishes. I am often amazed and concerned about those who go to the extremes. There are those secular men and women who extend themselves to the point that they are absentee parents and spouses. Then there are the ones who never extend themselves because they can only spare a few minutes a week and believe that this is not enough. They do nothing rather than do a little bit with great love. Like the rich young man in the Gospels, they walk away disappointed believing that they can't do more than what they already do.
However, God is not a timekeeper or an accountant. He does not keep track of the number of ministries in which we engage, nor does he count the number of souls that we reach. We need not go to the extreme of sinning against justice by abandoning our families or the sin of despair believing that we have nothing to offer. Every person has something to offer. We have to learn from the widow who donated the few cents that she had.
Finally, we must remember that the family is the primary school of holiness. The perfection of charity begins there. I'm glad to see that you focused this so well for our readers. Thank you for your witness and your encouragement.
What a beautiful and well written article! I have forwarded it to the Women's Emmaus group at St. Augustine Church and Catholic Student Center which is my parish because the message it contains is one that we need to be reminded of frequently. Your mom keeps me posted every once in a while of the wonderful things that you and your husband continue to do. May God continue to bless you and your family abundantly and may He continue to increase in us all that we are lacking so that we may serve Him well. With love, Lilly (Ricky Pollo's mom)
I get the impression that many people these days, also among Catholics, are somewhat misled into thinking that for charity to matter and to be appreciated, it must be institutionalized. They highly esteem participation in special projects aimed at financial support for various social causes, or collections of food and clothing, but they forget and almost neglect acts of charity performed in a most personal way at home, such as a mother's selfish work done on behalf of her children. Those same children would be homeless and highly "disadvantaged" if they didn�'t have the care of a devoted parent. Yet, our society holds in little esteem the work of parents. Mothers who care for their family are said to be "without work". The state does not contribute a single penny of relief to mothers of small children. Should the mother give up, the State would have to take over the care of such children: and the cost would be very high. I've heard of annual figures upwards from $40,000 per neglected child. How about giving each mother some relief, at least a few thousand dollars annually for her hard work? Institutional charity is very popular and lots of money is poured out to various organizations. But, curiously enough, nothing is given to families with small children. And yet, that is where the bulk of the hard work, the nitty-gritty of the building up the future of a nation takes place. As someone said: "in America, if a woman serves dinner to her family, she is said to be repressed, but if she serves dinner to total strangers in a restaurant, she is said to have a career." Perhaps, our goals are a bit mixed up.