By Priscilla A. Greear - Florida Catholic
MIAMI | Kathia Sanchez grew up with two families – those of her divorced parents – and always felt pulled in two directions, facing decisions on where to spend Christmas, vacations and family engagements and feeling guilty for missing the other celebration.
Seeking peace and fulfillment, she attended an Emmaus women's retreat 12 years ago and turned her life towards God, experiencing the strength of living in God's presence and dedicating time to spiritual reflection. Then last year, she saw a notice on her Emmaus chat about a new Life-Giving Wounds retreat offered by the Miami Archdiocese for adult children of divorce. She felt called to participate.
"I identified with every story told during the weekend and I thought, I wish I would have done this earlier in my life," said Sanchez, 54, a member of Our Lady of Guadalupe Church in Doral.
She recommends it especially for young adults whose parents are divorced so they can understand, heal and, with God, move forward.
“As a child of divorced parents, we struggle with relationships and marriage in different ways. This retreat brings light, tools and understanding that can be very helpful at critical times in your life," Sanchez said.
The Archdiocese of Miami's Office of Marriage and Family Life will host the second Life-Giving Wounds Retreat for adult children of divorce or separation on Sept. 23 and 24, 2023, at the Madonna Retreat Center, 3600 S.W. 32nd Blvd., West Park. Last year's event drew 14 participants and organizers hope to serve over 30this year.
Life-Giving Wounds grew out of a research project at the Pontifical John Paul II Institute for Studies on Marriage and the Family in Washington, D.C. Dr. Daniel Meola and his wife, Bethany, adapted it into a retreat in 2015. Identifying a tremendous need nationwide, they formed a team to spread the ministry and by 2020 became a nonprofit.
The retreat is designed for people whose parents divorced, separated, never married and separated, and got annulments. It seeks to help participants identify the wounds and their impact on marriage, dating and other relationships; learn appropriate boundaries with family members; find identity and healing in Christ and community.
OVERLOOKED GROUP
Claudia Shaw, manager of Marriage and Family Life for the archdiocese, first took the online retreat to review its content, as part of an archdiocesan effort to increase outreach to this overlooked group.
"It can be like the root of an issue in a relationship. You feel abandoned or like you are missing something if you come from a broken marriage, like you are not ready to offer that (love) in a relationship or marriage. So we thought it was very important to bring this retreat, to have this group of people who can heal from these wounds of the past to start a future," she said.
Shaw herself grew up in a separated family and has been married 21 years. She said the retreat helped her with forgiveness.
"You feel everything is settled because you are married and have a family and you get along with your parents. But this retreat was like an onion; you start to peel like an onion, and it starts to bring feelings from the past that you didn't really forget," she said. "I learned how to heal properly and how to forgive properly."
She said that some children of divorce might fear failure in a relationship, resist commitment, fear abandonment or struggle with trust. "They feel they are alone but when they come to the retreat they are meeting other people who feel the same as they have."
The retreat includes six talks, original retreat materials and small group discussions. It is part of the Archdiocese of Miami's effort to expand the Marriage and Family Life ministry to support people impacted by divorce.
SYNOD PRIORITY
That was one of the priorities identified through the local Synod on Synodality of 2021-22, according to the report “Journeying Together: The Next Three Years.” Participants urged the archdiocese to work with parishes to offer ministries directed towards particular stages and conditions of life, including for those individuals dealing with divorce.
Among Catholics who have ever been married, 34% have experienced a divorce, according to a Pew Research Center report from 2105. Lifegivingwounds.org cites research that adult children of divorce have a 40% greater chance of themselves being divorced, caused in part by unhealed wounds.
The archdiocese intends to hold the retreat yearly. It is currently updating the list of approved divorce ministries at parishes and is considering an archdiocesan divorce support group.
Another Synod priority is ministry to youth and young adults to counter the troubling trend of their decreased church participation, according to the report.
"I think this kind of retreat is very important to get young adults together and see that they belong to the church and we are helping them, because this retreat involves a lot of personal support," Shaw said. "You have to reflect on the Scriptures, knowing that you are not alone. Jesus is always your companion and you start to fill this hole."
Upcoming retreat presenter Mike Manocchio's parents separated when he was six and divorced when he was around 10. Now in his 40s, he attended the retreat last year with wife Michelle and discovered unresolved issues from childhood.
"Divorce had been so normalized in my family and in my peer group that I don't know that I had ever adequately grieved my parents' separation. This retreat experience provided a framework and a support system that has helped me reconcile with feelings I had been carrying over 30 years," he said.
The couple will speak at the September retreat about the impact of divorce on one's vision of marriage and relationships.
"My wife and I have been married for over 17 years and it wasn't until our experience on this retreat that I was even able to put into words the ramifications of my parents’ divorce on our own marriage. I guess my hope would be that I can shave some time off of that trip for the retreatants," Manocchio said.
He affirmed his deep love and gratitude for both his parents and stepparents. "It isn't that divorce of one's parents is any harder or easier than other wounds someone might have in their life. The point is that it is a wound and should be treated as such."
FIND OUT MORE
- For information about the Life-Giving Wounds retreat, contact Claudia Shaw at [email protected]
- To register, visit http://conta.cc/42VNy8N
