Of kids, ages and stages
Monday, August 16, 2021
Angelique Ruhi-Lopez
This school year, we will have six kids in four different schools — that’s one in pre-school, one in elementary school, two in middle school, and two in high school. (But who’s counting?) Just thinking about all the school drop-offs, pick-ups, after school sports, late night homework, social events and on and on makes my heart race. But my heart also swells with the privilege of watching these kids whom God has entrusted to us growing up.
The similarities, but also the differences in each stage, abound: I have realized that toddler tantrums and teen tantrums aren’t so different, and that naming body parts with the toddler serves as an intro to Theology of the Body conversations with tweens and teens faster than I ever could have imagined.
Eighteen years ago, I was newly married and full of grand ideas on what marriage and parenting would look like. Well, God surprised us with His plans, which are infinitely more incredible — and sanctifying — than my plans.
I remember attending a family retreat when we “only” had four little kids. We were warned that the clock is ticking, the kids would be big before we know it, and we needed to make every moment count. I rolled my eyes because we had just potty-trained twins and were navigating kids who wouldn’t share along with (basic) elementary homework while also balancing marriage, home and work. Sure, they’ll grow up someday, I thought. But we're not there yet. I just wanted to pull my hair out most days because they were so dependent on us!
But all the trite sayings are true:
“Little kids, little problems; big kids, big problems.” To be clear, my big kids aren’t big problems at all — but the cultural issues we are navigating as Catholic families with teens in today’s day and age are.
“Don’t sweat the small stuff.” I definitely have learned (and continue learning) to pick my battles and prioritize what’s most important. I have learned to let go of the unimportant things, like if their shoes match their top, or if the girls wear a hair bow (insert eye roll.)
And of course, the ever popular, “Just watch: You blink and they’re grown.”
Yeah. I blinked.
With God’s grace, we still have many years of parenting ahead of us, but knowing we have three more summers with our oldest before he goes to college is sobering.
So as another school year starts, I will try to remember to talk less and smile more (hat tip to "Hamilton"); to take an interest in my kids’ interests so as to continuously build our relationship; that the big kids need as much of my attention as the little kids; and that when I make mistakes during this parenting journey, I need to extend myself grace.
The school year may be about ensuring our children learn from teachers and books, but the greatest education occurs in our homes, beginning with ourselves as we navigate different ages and stages of raising children and start to realize what really matters. I don’t often ace the tests, but thanks to Sacred Scripture (the closest we come to a parenting instruction manual), the Catechism and Church teaching, the sacraments, and the support of my husband and Catholic community, I can get through it, one day at a time.
Now where’s that instruction manual so I can study?
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