By Lizette M. Lantigua - Florida Catholic
KEY BISCAYNE | It may have surprised some of the couples gathered at St. Agnes Church in Key Biscayne recently that the most important word in a marriage is not love, but forgiveness.
“If the Catholic Church is known for anything it is forgiveness,” Allen Hunt told over 500 attendees at Passion and Purpose for Marriage, a seminar presented by Dynamic Catholic. The event is designed to re-energize couples and provide them with basic and practical tools to enrich their marriages.
“Our culture is experiencing a lot of marriage confusion right now,” said Hunt, author of “Confessions of a Mega Church Pastor,” “Everybody Needs to Forgive Somebody” and “The 21 Undeniable Secrets of Marriage.”
“Often marriage is seen as a temporary arrangement to make the parties happy. As Catholics, we know that there is so much more to a marriage than feelings at any one given moment. Marriage is rooted in a love that acts and sacrifices rather than merely being a feeling,” said Hunt, who holds a doctorate in New Testament and Ancient Christian Origins from Yale University.
He explained that, unfortunately, some couples stay together but quit investing in their marriages, adopting an “It’s cheaper to keep her/him” mentality.
“Families are experiencing high levels of change and stress, incomes are down, and sexual messages abound in every setting one finds oneself in,” said Hunt, who was pastor of the United Methodist congregation in Alpharetta, Georgia until 2008, when he converted to Catholicism.
“The crucial ingredient for a strong marriage is a shared faith. Catholics have a unique advantage in creating great marriages when they draw on their faith. Prayer, shared values, and a common sense of purpose in marriage can protect marriages like nothing else.”
Hunt also explained that men and women are wired differently and that each person has a primary love language that we should learn to speak if we want our spouse to feel loved. He recommended the book: “The 5 Love Languages: The Secret to Love that Lasts” by Gary D. Chapman.
According to Chapman, the five love languages are: Words of affirmation, Acts of Service, Receiving Gifts, Quality Time and Physical Touch.
“The most powerful thing you can say to your husband instead of ‘I love you’ is I am proud of you,” said Hunt because men like to be respected more than anything else.
He said that not all but most women and men have two primary languages. For men, its words of affirmation and physical touch — not only sexual but holding hands, hugs and kisses. For women it is acts of service and quality time.
Nicole Suarez, 27, and Enrique Orizondo, 30, attended the event at the suggestion of St. Agnes’ pastor, Father Juan Carlos Paguaga, who is preparing them for their marriage on Feb. 27. During the presentation, Hunt jokingly gave Enrique a toilet brush cleaner for the acts of service he may need to do to ensure success in his upcoming marriage.
“I believe there is a great need to nurture the spirituality in married couples and help all those that are on the way to celebrate their sacrament to be inspired by the Gospel, which is what Dr. Hunt is bringing to us,” said Father Paguaga.
He explained that St. Agnes parish will be starting a Marriage Ministry and planning a retreat for the end of February.
That’s exactly the reason Leo and Melissa Toledo from Little Flower Church in Coral Gables, who have been married for nearly two months, attended the event.
“I came to gain greater insight and a greater sense of spirituality to build a strong marriage,” said Melissa.
Several generations came together at the event to learn how to enrich their marriages.
Anabel Stevens, one of the organizers, was there with her husband Albert, whom she married at St. Agnes in 1982. Her parents, Roger and Nelda Teran, also attended. They have been married for 60 years.
One of the points Hunt spoke about that stood out for Anabel was the love languages.
“I think we tend to please the other person by the things that please us and it’s important to understand we are wired differently,” she said.
Daniela Alzuru and Sebastian Dominguez, who have been married for two months, also attended with Daniela’s parents, Belen and Francisco Alzuru, who will celebrate their 31st wedding anniversary this month.
“What I liked the most is the simple way Dr. Hunt expresses himself about living a quality and healthy marriage — not easy but possible, and with God holding our hand and all the tools, it’s much easier.”
