Couples learn: Why do you do that?

By Wendy Longley - Florida Catholic

MIAMI SHORES | “Why Do You Do That?” It’s a question close to 50 Catholic couples wanted answered when they signed up for the second archdiocesan Date Night.

Organized by the offices of Family Life and Parish Life, the evening’s speakers were Stephen Colella, cabinet secretary of Parish Life for the archdiocese, and his wife, Kari, formerly coordinator of Marriage Ministries for the Archdiocese of Boston.

Their talk touched on topics in relationships that most couples find hard to address.

Colella characterized Date Night as a "reinvestment in the relationship." Attending the workshop, he said, entails "carving away time from a busy schedule for yourself, your spouse and God, as well as an opportunity to reset the compass together."

Following the Vigil Mass March 14 at St. Martha Church, about 90 people, mostly couples but some singles, enjoyed a dinner and refreshments in the church hall as a prelude to the relationship-building evening.

Most of the participants found the event on thearchdiocesan website.

Candido Hernandez, 32, who has been married for five months, said he decided to attend when his wife sent him the link.

"Right now we are focusing on work and school, but I do want to start a family some day," Hernandez said, "and I need a strong marriage to do so."

The objective of the evening was to equip couples with tools to learn more about themselves, their spouse and their marriage, while keeping God as an active member in it.

"In God’s design, we often have more to learn and grow ï¿½ which is made possible through the complementarity of our differences, rather than our similarities," Stephen Colella said.

Using a "temperament inventory" checklist, the couples began checking off boxes in categories like Nature, Nurture and TrueSelf.

"This is all about growth,” said MarioRangel, who also supports a divorce prevention program in the archdiocese. “I will be married for 40 years in October,andlife is short.

"If we are going to grow in wisdom and try to be whowe are supposed to be, it will take a bit of doing, and we have to learn how to do it," Rangel continued. "And this program supports that."

Todd Mackiewiecz, who met his wife on Catholicmatch.com, said he has always been interested in temperaments. He has been married for six years.

"My wife has a different temperament, so I had to adjust to how I saw her, how I acted with her and subsequently how I reacted to her,” he said. “This is a good thing. I think everybody here will benefit from it.”

Asked if he thought Date Night might help slow the divorce rate among Catholics, his response came fast: "Absolutely! It makes marriages much better by understanding oneself better, by understanding other people better and by understanding children better. It’s a great idea.”

Denise and Freddy Arminana have been married for 18 years and have two sons, 15 and 13. They confess that they used to go out on date nights more often in the past.

"Our boys are the center of our world, and as they grow older, they demand more of our time," Freddy Arminana said.

Although they said the results of the temperament inventory did not surprise them, "it helps us adjust to each other," Freddy said with a smile. "There are less arguments."

Denise agreed that the inventory can aid them in drawing closer to each other. "We are trying to make more time for our marriage now, because at some point the boys will leave the home. And what will we have left then?"

Stephen Colella is optimistic that the couples’ forum will build up marriages and in turn build up the community©especially if similar evenings are organized at the parish level.

"It models for the parishes a very simple, fun and easy night where one can have a speaker talk about knowledge and skills for marriage," he said. "It's a very successful event for couples to replicate by firstly building up their participants as the disciples, followed by building up their own marriage ministries, and finally to invite friends to the next Date Night."

He said the forum is also a good way to prepare for the World Meeting of Families with Pope Francis in September.

Colella hopes to hold similar events around the archdiocese.

"We are planning to eventually replicate Date Night in Broward County and the Keys," he said.