Time for refresher course on marriage
Monday, September 27, 2010
Cheryl Whapham
I’m always interested to learn what the catechetical theme will be for the upcoming school year. I frequently try to focus workshops, reflections, and events on the topic. A couple of months ago I learned that this year’s theme was Matrimony: Sacrament of Enduring Love. I was so surprised. Why? My initial reaction said that the theme did not relate to children. Kind of funny, right? Children are a part of a marriage, and our Catholic youth need to know what the Church teaches about the sacrament of matrimony, but marriage as the catechetical theme for the year?
And then five seconds later it hit me like a linebacker from my blindside: Could it be that the catechetical theme for the year was selected with the idea of adult catechesis in mind? Let’s face it, when most of us think about catechesis, who do we picture? We picture children and youth. Elementary school children attending our Catholic schools or our parish religious education programs, or we imagine teenagers at our Catholic high schools or in our parish youth groups.
Do we come up with an image of ourselves, our spouses, and our couple friends attending adult workshops, retreats, or online courses on the holy sacrament of matrimony? Not so much. But what if we did…what if we devoted some time in the next 12 months to reading the bishops’ document and apostolic letters as Bishop Estevez recommended in his blog last week? Adults could organize small study groups at their parishes to read some of these documents and check out some of the excellent resources found on the For Your Marriage website as Bishop Estevez indicated.
The second thing that surprised me was the title. Matrimony: Sacrament of Enduring Love. I literally laughed out loud. I thought to myself, “Did they have to choose the word enduring?!” As it turns out, I was thinking about the definition of the word endure. Endure means to undergo a hardship or to remain firm under suffering or misfortune. Clearly, not the image of marriage that the Catholic Church wants to portray. But enduring, the word the bishops actually chose, means lasting, durable — an excellent word choice.
However, in my humble experience, both definitions are applicable to the lived experience of the sacrament. It seems to me that in the journey of a lasting and durable marriage there are also times when we undergo hardship and must remain firm under suffering or misfortune. We must not forget that marriage is a sacrament; a gift of God’s grace that is given to each couple, that exists in each union in an extraordinary way. It might serve us all well to spend some time reflecting on that gift, uncovering it, rediscovering it, dusting it off and polishing it a bit, just to see if we might have missed some of its brilliance on the day we entered into it.
Comments from readers
And yes, Cheryl, catechesis is truly for a "whole family" endeavor, and teen catechesis is so incredibly important too especially because of all the growth, development and transitions they are going through which are leading to big life decisions as they leave High School and enter college (consequently another important time for catechesis) such as dating leading to marriage, plus school and work leading to career . In fact, one could say that good, solid teen (and pre-teen) catechesis could be considered "Pro-Active Marriage Preparation" (or any Vocation Preparation for that matter) that will build up these young minds as well as empower them to make healthy life and dating choices early on that in turn would help them build the most solid foundations possible for their life, vocations, and relationships!
As many did mention, the teachings of Pope John Paul II's on the Theology of the Body are one of the many ways we can do this "pro-active marriage preparation". A couple of parishes have adopted the Ascension Press program "Theology of the Body for Teens" with phenomenal fruits and at the present time various ministries are coming together to host a TOB For Teens training with Ascension Press for adults working with teens wishing to offer the program this spring. Any ministries or Youth ministry teams with interest in collaborating or learning more please contact our office.
Ascension Press is also expecting to release a Theology of the Body for Pre-Teens in the Spring of 2011.
Worthy of note, this year, we added a Sacramentality track to enrich our marriage preparation with Pope John Paul II's Theology of the Body using the Ascension Press program "God's Plan for a Joy-Filled Marriage" by Christopher West .
We welcome any couples who might be interested in building stronger marriages our TOB marriage preparation the team (there are many ways to serve!), or parishes interested in becoming a "God's Plan" site for 2o11 .
Also, those interested in joining in our next team group study exploring marriage and Theology related topics (halfway through our current study, next one will probably begin early 2011), contact us too!
Our number is 305.762.1140 and email us at [email protected]
Thank you so much again Cheryl!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! GREAT work!
I also want to thank so many of you who have spoken to me personally this week or in personal emails about what is reflected in the few comments here. That we see the Sacrament of Marriage as something beautiful that God created and that the Holy Spirit guides us in and that we are so grateful for the opportunity to participate in something so holy and so sacred. And yet we are human, and our spouses have bad breath in the morning, and there are days when the commitment is harder than others. Which is why I think a year of taking some time to learn more about the Sacrament, enrich our marriages a bit, could be just the thing we all need right now whether you have chronic halitosis or not :)
The opening talk I will be doing at the Respect Life Conference, October 29 and 30, will focus on the One Flesh Union and this amazing call every human being has to love as God loves. There is no Church teaching we would have a problem with if we first understood these foundational truths of our creation.
Commitment: The willingness to be unhappy for a little while.
This has been sticking to my head henceforth. As long as I am committed, I am sure God will help me to endure.
I think the theme for this year catechetical theme follows the teaching of the Pope John Paul II, who in his apostolic exhortation Familiaris Consortio, told us that "the Church must… promote better and more intensive programs of marriage preparation in order to eliminate as far as possible the difficulties that many married couples find themselves in, and even more in order to favor positively the establishing and maturing of successful marriages".
Regarding the concerns that some may have regarding the appropriateness of marriage being the theme for this year catechetical program, let me add what the Pope said about this: "Marriage preparation has to be seen and put into practice as a gradual and continuous process. It includes three main stages: remote, proximate and immediate preparation. Remote preparation begins in early childhood, in that wise family training which leads children to discover themselves as being endowed with a rich and complex psychology and with a particular personality with its own strengths and weaknesses. It is the period when esteem for all authentic human values is instilled, both in interpersonal and in social relationships, with all that this signifies for the formation of character, for the control and right use of one's inclinations, for the manner of regarding and meeting people of the opposite sex, and so on. Also necessary, especially for Christians, is solid spiritual and catechetical formation that will show that marriage is a true vocation and mission, without excluding the possibility of the total gift of self to God in the vocation to the priestly or religious life… renewed catechesis of young people and others preparing for Christian marriage is absolutely necessary in order that the sacrament may be celebrated and lived with the right moral and spiritual dispositions." (FC 66).
I congratulate and thank the bishops who selected this theme for the upcoming school year. I pray that it is accepted by all teachers and education directors and its development and application is taken as a priority by all… even encouraging parents and everyone to find in the words of Familiaris Consortio an unsurpassed guide for this purpose.
The Catechism of the Catholic Church, presents the sacraments of Holy Orders and Matrimony as the Sacraments at the Service of Communion. These two sacraments really support and complement each other. The more we know one of them we would appreciate the other more, to follow the call of any one of them has to be enriched and supported by the admiration for the other.