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Perhaps not a trend, but something I have been seeing more and more of at Mass is people using antibacterial hand sanitizer after the rite of peace. The first time I saw it happen I was honestly very offended, as I thought the family sanitizing their hands was somehow disgusted by my four children and their germs. I dismissed the incident as isolated, but nonetheless it stuck with me.

Then it happened again, and then again. The last time was the clincher for me as these people didn’t even touch us during the peace; they did the half wave which is also entirely too common nowadays. Why are we so afraid to reach out and touch others?

The recent deaths of Kate Spade and Anthony Bourdain have once again brought mental health into the news but so much more prevalent than depression is the profound loneliness people feel. Why is it that despite more social media than ever and supposedly more communication, people have a lower happiness index than ever before?

I think the sanitizing of our hands is but a symptom of the deep fear we have of getting into the “dirty” lives of those around us. The gesture of peace is meant to unite us. They say the over-usage of antibiotics and antibacterial products actually has an adverse effect on our bodies because our immune systems do not build up the strength to fight bugs on their own. I think the same can be said for us spiritually: The more we sanitize our spiritual life and refuse to go to the depths of the grimy parts of our lives, the less spiritual strength we have.

I remember feeling uncomfortable and rejected to some extent when I went to Mass and offered my hand and my sign of peace only to be met with a half-smile and a wave. No wonder we go to Mass on a regular basis and sit in the same pew but do not know the names of anyone around us. Fellowship and community-building is what draws many to the Protestant faith, and with situations like these it is not hard to see why.

We need to be open to getting messy, getting to know and touch those around us. Times are difficult and living our faith can be tough. We need peace, Christ’s peace, to be the change the world needs. The fact that we refuse to offer that simple human gesture of peace is sad.

We cannot sanitize life and we need to stop being afraid to enter into the germ-filled spaces with our brothers and sisters in Christ. As Scripture says in 1 John 4:18 “perfect love drives out fear.” May we love more perfectly so as stop fearing getting to know those around us and truly share the gift of peace with one another.

Comments from readers

Frank - 10/19/2018 09:23 PM
During flu season when it comes to that part of the Mass, being alone it is easy for me to excuse myself for a minute to avoid shaking anyone's hand, and then return to my seat. I do not enjoy doing that, but how many times over the years have I noticed someone using their hand to cover their mouth while coughing - then a few minutes later shake someone's hand. My suggestion - the handshake should be discontinued from November through March, because it just distracts people from the Mass itself, especially since that happens just prior to Communion...
Raylin Escobar - 10/17/2018 12:58 PM
Disclaimer: I am a teacher, and as a result of being surrounded by children all day this has helped me develop a stronger immune system. That being said, I have also noticed a more prevalent trend of hand sanitizing during mass. It really does not bother me. I understand the reasoning behind it; therefore, I don't take it as a personal insult. However, I have read several articles on the negative effects of over using the hand sanitizer. A recent article in Time states, "the World Health Organization reports that our obsession with killing germs has resulted in more resistant bacteria." So, if at all possible, just reach out and touch a fellow Christian. Human beings were made for love and contact. Don't deny a stranger or yourself of that small act of kindness. God Bless!
Vickie Imperatori - 10/17/2018 12:12 PM
While I understand the negative reaction that disinfecting our hands after the sign of peace may have on some, let us keep in mind that there may be other reasons for people using hand sanitizer. I, personally like to do so; perhaps not immediately after the sign of peace, but certainly before I receive the Body of Christ in my hand.
Donna Faranda - 10/17/2018 10:02 AM
Sometimes the reasons people have for not shaking hands are not visible such as chemotherapy, immunosuppression, transplant recipients, etc. Other reasons may be anxiety and OCD. I would hope that others exhibit kindness when acknowledging another's presence and granting them the Lord's gift of peace.
Mercedes Frases - 10/17/2018 08:33 AM
We are becoming an increasingly cold society in which the sign of peace at mass becomes an issue. Unless your health is compromised (in which case you should stay at home). Give the sign of peace, love with all your heart like Jesus loves us all. His presence will protect you! Mercedes Feases
Lesley V. - 10/16/2018 05:48 PM
I am a E.M.H.C. and I usually shake hands with my left hand if I am going to be serving the Body of Christ to others. (because I am right handed!) If someone is coughing and blowing their nose, I admit, I usually give a bow to them with my hands clasped in front of me. I notice at the Church we attend in NYS they use hand sanitizer before they (EMHC) approach the altar. I love to shake hands and I agree it is much more loving. I am a R.N. and the main thing is to NOT touch your face with your hands after shaking anyone's hand. After Mass, when I get in the car I use hand sanitizer.
Felipe - 10/16/2018 02:05 PM
This is the best blog article I've read since following this blog. Well said and well done.
Andrew Meszaros - 10/16/2018 09:43 AM
The "sign of peace" is a ceremonial action. Its purpose is not to give us a chance to get mushy with strangers. It is most often disruptive due to silly exaggeration whereby people walk up and down the aisles trying to shake as many hands as possible, all the while ignoring the sacred action taking place at the altar. It is an optional sign and I wish our clergy would skip it at least occasionally in order to keep decorum during the Most Holy Sacrifice. You might want to seek some other opportunities to hug strangers, if that is what you desire. Frankly, when I see people heading my way during Mass from a distant pew with a huge grin, when the choir is already singing "Lord have mercy" - I cringe. I understand the point about charity, but there is also the issue of decorum and of modesty.
Gustavo - 10/15/2018 09:18 PM
--Carmen Good article, and I know the feeling. First let me say that the sign of peace during the Novous Ordo Mass is a useless exercise. It was implemented during the disastrous changes of the Second Vatican Council. Before this no one shook hands or hugged each other during mass. Mass is about GOD not about us. If you go to the Traditional Latin Mass, this silly exercise does not exist. What you will find if you go to a Traditional Latin Mass is much more fellowship and Community *after* the Mass. It is very common to find a Potluck meal, or Pancake Breakfast after mass than in the Novous Ordo. In most Dioceses in the United States and elsewhere; Churches have become buildings were the sacraments are dispensed. On a personal note: I was a volunteer usher at a local parish for 10 years. The pastor of the parish did not know my name for the first five years and never asked. Their are serious spiritual problems in the Church that have been going on for more than 50 years. Sadly, the clergy have become more like administrators, and CEOs than spiritual fathers trying to lead one to heaven.
PJ Prendergast - 10/15/2018 06:35 PM
What a interesting corollary you make. While I see your point I can also hear some friends and family remind me of the safety of the "fist bump" and I'm saddened that this is the world we live in today. Let's fight the tendency to wrap ourselves in bubble wrap and just give a hand shake or dare I even suggest a hug to our Catholic neighbor.
Lilly - 10/15/2018 06:12 PM
I see people in front of me wiping their eyes several times during the mass, people picking at their skin, putting their hands inside their ears, people coughing and sneezing at their hands, and then they turn around and want to shake my hand. I'm sorry but I really don't want to get sick. The people that do these things shouldn't shake hands. It's just common sense.
Georgina - 10/15/2018 05:04 PM
Interesting perspective. It could also be a cultural thing. I am not touchy feely person at all. Everyone is different. One person at a church I visited - wanted to give me a hug and I never have seen this person in my life. I just stuck my hand out for a handshake rather than accept the hug. I'd give you a hang shake but I probably would put hand sanitizer in my car after. Also once I get sick - I get REALLY sick. Been to the hospital many times. So there is a variety of factors of why people are reserved. Plus we have flu season again! But thank you again for your perspective. God bless you.
Vince Eberling - 10/15/2018 04:20 PM
This is a controversial area. The hands pass diseases on from one person to another. Individuals who have compromised immune systems from chemotherapy or immune diseases are often old by their healthcare professionals not to shake hands with anyone. The exchange of peace is a symbol of our unity in Christ just before we receive Him in the Eucharist. If someone either doesn�t shake your hand or sanitizes their hands is not a personal rejection of you or your family but an abundance of caution to receive a possible infectious process.
Deacon Tom Hanlon - 10/15/2018 03:24 PM
Carmen, Come to my parish St Louis. Not only do we shake hands, we tend to hug folks. Blessings! Tom
James - 10/15/2018 03:07 PM
Dear Blessed, Sorry to say but I am one of those that carries wipes. Too many come to the church sick and several times I have gotten ill and missed work for weeks because of this contact. Furthermore, I too was deeply offended when I shook a person�s hand and they immediately rubbed their hand on the hip of their pants. Finally who wants to fight with their wife when this was her idea in the first place... All the best, In Unity

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