Suffering

Monday, July 26, 2021

Victor Martell - St. Vincent de Paul Society

English Spanish

Photographer: ROCIO GRANADOS | LVC

Photographs of those missing, most of them now confirmed killed in the Surfside condo collapse, fill the memorial wall erected on a tennis court fence nearby.

The other day I was approached by a brother who I had heard had lost a close family member in the Surfside building collapse, north of Miami Beach. Naturally, I gave him a hug and told him that I was very saddened by the death of someone in his family. He looked me straight in the eyes, and in a broken, tearful voice said, "It's just that the relative I buried is my son."

I felt something like a whiplash in my body: That was the most painful thing I could hear. The death of his son, his only son, his firstborn, was much more grief than I was prepared to try to alleviate with my words.

I said to him: Brother, I would be lying if I tell you that I understand your pain, because the suffering you are going through is only known when it has been lived in one's own flesh, and one has felt a spear thrust into one's heart.

I can only tell you that life deserves to be lived to its natural end. Christianity exists precisely to give a supernatural and beneficial meaning to suffering. The comfort that you need at this moment is not like the physical recovery after an illness; usually when they are cured, people can go back to the way they were when they overcome their illness. From illness you will surely come out cured, but a new person emerges from suffering. And you must live with it for the rest of your life.

You are going to discover that there are things you will be able to control and others that you will not; I know that you will never forget your son or make the pain go away. But God is so great, and you will see that little by little you will feel a sense of peace, and you won't know where it comes from.

And something that many of us cannot understand is that God gave us our children to take care of them, to tend to them, for them to make us suffer, but they are only on loan to us. Of course, many of us will die before they do. What can we do if He calls them first? He alone knows why! May He, with His infinite goodness, give you the peace you need so much.

Amen.

This article first appeared in the July 2021 print edition of La Voz Católica.

Comments from readers

Nery M Danger - 07/26/2021 05:07 PM

It is true and well explained since we also lost a nephew of only 23 yrs old. My sister and brother in law told me the same thing 'you can't imagine the loss because you are not us. Very true. And I can't imagine loosing the only son. At least my sister and brother in law had another daughter and later she adopted a little girl that has been the biggest blessing for all of them. My condolences and prayers for the brother that is suffering.

Valli Leone - 07/26/2021 02:11 PM

Thanks for that very insightful and necessary sharing of your conversation with a friend. We are learning that when we can’t see God‘s hand, we can always trust His heart. Blessings and joy, as we continue, knowing that He who began the great work in us is faithful to complete it. Life in these times rarely makes sense to us, but God is still and always in control. Jesus never fails! 🔆 John 16:33 🔆

Laurie Holmes - 07/26/2021 11:10 AM

Very well written article. So often it is so very hard to console someone who has lost someone in death. The opening paragraph line, I would be lying if I tell you that I understand your pain, because the suffering you are going through is only known when it has been lived in one's own flesh, and one has felt a spear thrust into one's heart. Very profound and correct, we never can understand, but placed in perspective helps. Thoroughly enjoyed. Thank you!

Elizabeth - 07/26/2021 10:58 AM

Palabras sabias. Bendiciones.

Nery M Danger - 07/26/2021 05:07 PM: It is true and well explained since we also lost a nephew of only 23 yrs old. My sister and brother in law told me the same thing 'you can't imagine the loss because you are not us. Very true. And I can't imagine loosing the only son. At least my sister and brother in law had another daughter and later she adopted a little girl that has been the biggest blessing for all of them. My condolences and prayers for the brother that is suffering.

Valli Leone - 07/26/2021 02:11 PM: Thanks for that very insightful and necessary sharing of your conversation with a friend. We are learning that when we can’t see God‘s hand, we can always trust His heart. Blessings and joy, as we continue, knowing that He who began the great work in us is faithful to complete it. Life in these times rarely makes sense to us, but God is still and always in control. Jesus never fails! 🔆 John 16:33 🔆

Laurie Holmes - 07/26/2021 11:10 AM: Very well written article. So often it is so very hard to console someone who has lost someone in death. The opening paragraph line, I would be lying if I tell you that I understand your pain, because the suffering you are going through is only known when it has been lived in one's own flesh, and one has felt a spear thrust into one's heart. Very profound and correct, we never can understand, but placed in perspective helps. Thoroughly enjoyed. Thank you!

Elizabeth - 07/26/2021 10:58 AM: Palabras sabias. Bendiciones.