Authentic love: something very special
Monday, February 9, 2015
Stephen Colella
Photographer: MARLENE QUARONI | FC
Close-up of Rosa and Armando Fernandez's hands during the renewal of vows at the 2013 archdiocesan Mass for couples marking 25, 50 and more years of marriage.
There is something very special about seeing an elderly husband and wife holding hands. It is not so much about the details of where they are or what else they are doing. Any two people can hold hands to show appreciation and affection. There is something more here.
Some deep and beautiful truths are revealed in and through their touch. It gives us a glimpse of authentic love. It is a reflection of a higher form of love. It is a love that we yearn for, a love that knows us well and yet still loves us beyond the very real imperfections, sorrows and struggles that are inevitable in every life. It is an eternal and unconditional love put into action, in good times and bad, in sickness and in health, all the days of their life.
Something very special is revealed when two completely different persons become one in heart, mind, and body. The couple is clearly composed of two separate individuals, yet they are not the same. They are equal in human dignity, but different. There is a beauty in their differences. It is actually in and through these differences that real intimate love is revealed. It is in and through our differences that this authentic, even sacrificial, love arises from within us when we choose to love the other who is so different from our own self.
There is something very special that is revealed in this love between husband and wife about giving and receiving. When we see them hold hands, we cannot tell who is giving the love and who is receiving the love. With genuine love we cannot tell who is the lover and who is the beloved. We just see love.
If we look closer we might even begin to even see a deep cycle of love reveal itself. There is no objectification. The husband and wife are both the subject for, and not the object of, the other. This is where we see someone give a true gift of self to the other. The receiver receives that love and also at the same time gives their gift of self fully back to the giver. Each gift is not rejected or used but is in turn being received and accepted fully by the other and that reception is in itself a gift, a new gift, possibly a greater gift, back to the original giver. These dynamics continue and literally build up into a greater and greater cycle of love, until it overflows so that we can observe it and experience it.
In the case of this elderly husband and wife holding hands, their beliefs, choices, and actions overflow to bring good into the world. We can see their love and even the slight glimpse of it moves us, and in this way it is fruitful. All love is fruitful. The nature of true love is that it cannot be closed in on itself. When we see one person doing an act of selfless love it inspires us to do the same. Love grows, multiplies and is fruitful.
The love of a husband and wife will be fruitful in many unique ways. This happens on many levels like the psychological, relational, and spiritual but one of the most basic ways is on a natural and biological level. Marital love most obviously shows itself in and through their greatest differences of sexual differentiation. Here we can see the cycle of love where, on a totally biological level, a man’s body gives, a woman’s body receives, and gives new life. The parts of our bodies that reveal our sexual differentiation are given purpose and are brought to fruition through relationship with the other. The fruits of a new baby give a living witness to all the world of this love of the husband and wife.
Lastly, there is something very special in seeing an elderly husband and wife holding hands because it reminds me that I am capable of loving more than I do. I don’t always love fully, or at the right time, or in the right way. I need others to witness to me more so I can have an example and encouragement to work on expanding my own capacity to love. I invite you to join me in working on it.
This week is National Marriage Week. Saturday is St. Valentine’s Day and the day we will be celebrating the sacrament of matrimony in the Archdiocese of Miami with the silver and gold jubilarians anniversary Mass. Save the date for the Archdiocesan Date Night on March 14. More info will be out soon for the World Meeting of Families coming to Philadelphia in September. There are many other great resources from the U.S. bishops at www.foryourmarriage.org.
So please take a moment this week to do something to celebrate and to support your own witness to marriage, even if it is something as small as holding hands. And the next time you see a husband and wife of any age, thank them for their very special witness to marriage.
CELEBRATE MARRIAGEDo one of the seven-day virtual marriage retreats:
- "A marriage retreat with Pope Francis" based on his advice about marriage and family life (new this year!)
- A marriage retreat based on the U.S. bishops' pastoral letter, "Marriage: Love and Life in the Divine Plan."
- If you are on Facebook, you can join the virtual marriage retreat event
Read the research behind the reasons why marriage does make difference. Click here.
Looking for more resources to strengthen your marriage, or advice for dating and engaged couples? Visit the For Your Marriage website. En Español: Por Tu Matrimonio.
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