On self-denial and self care
Tuesday, May 3, 2011
Angelique Ruhi-Lopez
Daily, I wear motherhood’s “badges of honor:” dark circles under my eyes, greasy, graying hair in a ponytail and snot on my t-shirt (my kids’, not my own.) And I’m ok with this…. most of the time.
Even though I consider myself someone who enjoys looking presentable, most days, I don’t bother with my appearance. After all, chasing after four young children, keeping the house looking a notch above disastrous, cooking quick “gourmet” meals, and trying to work from home amidst refereeing the kids’ bickering is tough enough, so why bother even glancing in the mirror or changing out of my pajamas?
The problem with this philosophy, though, is that it goes against what Jesus taught us about sacrifice. In speaking about fasting to his disciples, Jesus tells them in Matthew 6:16-18: “… do not look gloomy like the hypocrites. They neglect their appearance, so that they may appear to others to be fasting.” Instead, he suggests: “anoint your head and wash your face.”
Though the temptation is always there for me to allow my exterior to match my sometimes harried interior, I know I must make an extra effort to ensure that I put on a fresh face in order to not be like the hypocrites.
In speaking to parents, the Catechism of the Catholic Church says: “The home is well suited for education in the virtues. This requires an apprenticeship in self-denial, sound judgment, and self-mastery … Parents have a grave responsibility to give good example to their children.” (CCC 2223)
It may seem hard to reconcile the idea of self-denial with the importance of self care but we should recall that when we, as parents, take care of ourselves – when we eat right, exercise regularly, and get a good night’s sleep, and when we ensure that we look clean and respectable – we are called to do so not for vain or selfish reasons, but in order to honor the creation God made us to be.
If I want my children to comb their hair and wear modest clothing, I need to model that for them, too. If I want my children to be joyful in service, whether that be in or out of the home, then I must wear a smile on my face and show them what joyful service looks like.
St. Paul reminds the Corinthians that the body is “a temple of the Holy Spirit within you …and you are not your own. For you have been purchased at a price. Therefore, glorify God in your body.” (1 Corinthians 6:19-20)
I came downstairs one morning with a torn t-shirt, plaid pajama pants, dirty flip flops and my uncombed hair in a bun and my second son exclaimed when he saw me, “¡Que linda, Mami!” (How pretty, Mommy!) I had to laugh at his apparent rose-colored glasses but it reminded me of how God sees us: “you are precious in my eyes and glorious, because I love you” (Isaiah 43:4)
But despite this unconditional, undeserved love, I know I need to glorify my Creator every day with my mind, heart, spirit and body. I wouldn’t walk into Mass wearing flip flops and pajama pants to see our Lord. Would you?
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